Dance the Dance

"Dance the dance of empowering one another."
"Spread your radiance."

Sheila Kelley

Mom Support Groups

I'm reading "Mothers of the Bible" by Dena Dyer - lent to me by my friend Angela Simon

"Every mom needs her own support system.  Fellow moms and older more experienced mothers provide conversation, fellowship, and sanity breaks in the midst of raising children."
Dena Dyer

Some ideas:  quilting circles, potluck suppers, front porch gatherers, MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers), Moms in Touch, MAW (Mothers and Wives), Moms and Tots, Dessert Club, Breastfeeding Group, play-dates, Mommies Pamper Parties, Grandmother (or substitute) visits, Mom and Toddler Gymnastics,  picnics, playpark conversations, a class at a local college, an on-line course of study, music lessons, singing lessons, Relief Society, Simple Excursions, Mommies Movie Morning, Jigsaw Puzzlers, Primary, and many others. 

Let your imaginations flow...  Let the Wisest Part of You talk to the Overwhelmed Part of You.  Listen.  The Wisest Part of You knows what the other parts of You will be profited by.

Start one?  Keep is simple enough.  Share the responsibility.  Keep it nurturing for those attending.  Be nurtured by those attending.  Let your group grow and have a life of its own - you don't need to control it.

"As you begin to connect with other women who understand your unique situation, you won't feel so alone any more, and you'll realise that you're doing a better job than you thought after all."
Dena Dyer

When You Feel Lonely

I like what Martha Beck has to say about Loneliness:

At times in my life, I have felt utterly lonely. At other times, I’ve had disgusting infectious diseases. Try admitting these things in our culture, and you’ll find they evoke identical responses: Listeners cringe with a mixture of pity, revulsion, and alarm. In a culture where everyone wants a happy family and a sizzling relationship, the phrase “I’m lonely” rings like the medieval leper’s shout of “Unclean! Unclean!”

Fortunately, we now treat disease not by isolating its victims, but by diagnosing and healing them. Finding those who can comprehend the emptiness of your heart, diagnosing and ameliorating its ailments, can keep you productively engaged when your loneliness is at its worst.

The Time-Tested BLD System

Allow me to introduce the Beck Loneliness Diagnostic System, which is based on years of research I’ve conducted by brooding about my own problems during bouts of emotional eating. My system divides loneliness into three categories—absolute, separation, and existential—each of which has different remedies. I prescribe two courses of action for each type: quick fixes (to feel better immediately) and long-term solutions (to banish it for good).

Type 1: Absolute Loneliness

This malady occurs when we believe, rightly or wrongly, that there is no one who understands us and no one who wants to. Absolutely lonely people have few personal interactions of any kind. Isolation creates indescribable despair, for which typical self-help advice—”Have a bubble bath! Try aromatherapy!”—is ridiculously inadequate. The only saving grace of this state is that it often hurts enough to motivate people to try the following prescriptions.

Quick Fix

Basic human contact—the meeting of eyes, the exchanging of words—is to the psyche what oxygen is to the brain. If you’re feeling abandoned by the world, interact with anyone you can—today. If you can afford it, hire a good therapist; if you can’t, hire a bad one. Attend a 12-step group, claiming codependency if you have no addictions. Sift wheat from chaff later—right now, it’s “Hail, fellow! Well met.”

Long-Term Solution

If you’re living completely on your own, you must find understanding somewhere, somehow. No matter how scary it is to learn and use social skills, absolute loneliness is scarier. The best method to break out of solitary confinement is to seek to understand others, and help them understand you.

A simple three-step communication strategy is the most effective way to accomplish this. When you meet people, show real appreciation, then genuine curiosity; offer an honest compliment (step 1) followed by a question (step 2). Say “Cool hat. Where’d you get it?” Most often this approach will result in a brief, pleasant chat. Occasionally, though, someone will answer in such an interesting or charming way that you’ll want to respond by volunteering information about yourself (step 3), such as “I can’t wear hats—they make me look like a mongoose.” Repeat these three steps, and you’ll gradually connect at deeper and deeper levels.

The key word is gradually. Understanding is a dance of seven veils in which strangers take turns revealing a little more about themselves—not everything at once. Be patient, and the three-step combo can take you all the way from discussions of headgear to conversations like “You’re amazing. Shall we get married?”

Type 2: Separation Loneliness

If you force yourself to communicate with people appreciatively and curiously, you’ll eventually emerge from absolute loneliness. However, you’ll still experience what I call separation loneliness. Traveling, empty nesting, and almost any job will distance you from friends and family. Only since the Industrial Revolution have most people worked in places away from their homes or been left to raise small children without the help of multiple adults, making for an unsupported life.

Quick Fix

Use separations to remind yourself how wonderful it is that you have people to miss. Solo time can motivate you to demonstrate that love. Focus on communication over distance. Tell interesting stories on the phone or in an e-mail about your day. Let your favorite people see life through your eyes. Ask them about what they’ve been experiencing, and listen or read with total concentration. You’ll come to know one another in new ways, and absence really will make your hearts grow fonder. Once that’s done, I recommend finding understanding by doing what the song says: If you can’t be with the one you love…love the one you’re with. Use your appreciation-curiosity-openness combo on the folks around you.

Long-Term Solution

This remedy requires facing some hard choices. If you’re continuously aching to be with people you never see, the rewards of your career or nifty home in the exurbs may not make up for the sacrifice. Many of my clients decide that their horrible jobs aren’t worth forfeiting years with their family. Others stop hanging out with people—even relatives—who drain them, in order to be with those who inspire them. You don’t have to make such decisions immediately, but you do have to make them. Every day brings new choices. If you want to end your isolation, you must be honest about what you want at a core level and decide to go after it.

Type 3: Existential Loneliness

The final type of estrangement is a bedrock fact of the human condition: the hollowness we feel when we realize no one can help us face the moments when we are most bereft. No one else can take risks for us, or face our losses on our behalf, or give us self-esteem. No one can spare us from life’s slings and arrows, and when death comes, we meet it alone. That is simply the way of things, and after a while, we may see it’s not so bad. In fact, existential loneliness, the great burden of human consciousness, is also its great gift—if we give it the right treatment.

Quick Fix

One word—art. In the face of great sorrow or joy, love or loss, many human beings who went before me learned to express themselves sublimely through clumsy physical things: paint, clay, words, the movement of their bodies. They created works of art that remind me I am not alone in feeling alone. Seeking the company of people who have learned to transcend the isolation of an individual life, who have felt as I feel and managed to express it, is the best treatment I’ve found for existential loneliness. (Notice that this advice is the opposite of the quick fix for “absolute” loneliness; you may need both prescriptions.) Make your own artistic connections. Read novels, listen to samba, watch documentaries: Seek art from every time and place, in any form, to connect with those who really move you.

Long-Term Solution

Same word—art. The quick fix is to appreciate others’ artistry; the real deal requires that you, yourself, become an artist. I’m not asking you to rival Picasso or Mozart, but I would challenge you to think the way they thought, to put aside convention and embarrassment and do whatever it takes to convey your essential self. Use anything you can think of to understand and be understood, and you’ll discover the creativity that connects you with others.

If you begin to apply these prescriptions, whether by drumming up the courage to connect, choosing a moment of love over a moment of work, or creating something as silly as a bad cartoon, you’ll soon find yourself stumbling across beauty and communion. Loneliness, far from revealing some defect, is proof that your innate search for connection is intact. So instead of hiding your loneliness, bring it into the light. Honor it. Treat it. Heal it. You’ll find that it returns the favor.

Thank you: Martha Beck - 11.05.2012 www.marthabeck.com

Joyous Life

"If we want a joyous life we must think joyous thoughts"
Louise Hay

Bounce Back - Idea 10 - Realize You're Not Alone

"The human spirit is remarkably resilient. We fall down - or get knocked down - yet somehow, most of the time, we manage to bounce back. But it can be hard.

When disappointments crowd in on you, sometimes you feel so alone, and so unable to go on. But when you look within yourself, way down deep inside, you come to the realization that you're really not alone."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrnXbCd9kmw&feature=colike

Bounce Back - Idea 9 - Learn From the Hard Times

"Be glad for the challenges that come into your life. They're difficult to appreciate when you're trying to deal with them. But those are the very times when you grow.

Life is a series of good things and not so good things, and you need the bad to appreciate the good. Hard times build character. Negative events become positive lessons that better equip you to cope with future trials.

And it's during the hard times that you really get to know yourself. You are forced to look closer at yourself to find the hidden reserves of strength it takes to overcome adversity.

No person or thing can make you happy. You have to find happiness and joy within yourself."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUYiWjEyFxc&feature=colike

Bounce Back - Idea 8 - Accentuate the Postive

"The way you look at a situation has a lot to do with how you respond to it. It's the old question og "Is the glass half-full or half-empty?" A little creative thinking and a conscious effort to see things in a positive way can often turn your attitude around.

Ordinary things like a flower, a sunrise, or a friend's smile can become a source of great happiness if we take time to look at them in a positive way.

When the ordinary becomes extra-ordinary... a stumbling block becomes a stepping stone."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqEXZ5jNtaU&feature=colike

Bounce Back - Idea 7 - Talk to Your Family

"Talking about your problems is a good way to Bounce Back... especially when you can share them with people who care about you. It might be a close friend or someone in your own family.

Your family loves you. They care about what happens to you... and often want to help. Sometimes even close families have problems communicating, so be careful to choose the right moment to talk. If it doesn't work the first time, try again... and again. Remember, communication often takes practice, so be patient. Developing good communication with your family can be a great source of comfort when the going gets tough."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ieXNnYXuA3s&feature=colike

Bounce Back - Idea 6 - Get a Move On

"Don't put your life on hold waiting for your hopes and dreams to come true. Just because life has "cheated" you out of something you thought you deserved, doesn't mean you have an excuse for not living up to your potential.

There are many exciting possibilities, so many wonderful things to do and learn.

Each life is precious. It's far too valuable to waste just sitting around. The more you do nothing, more powerless you feel, and the more you feel that life is living you instead of the other way around."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHh0jW6We84&feature=colike

Bounce Back - Idea 5 - Give Yourself a Break

"More often than not, people are more concerned with what's wrong with themselves than they are with what's wrong with you. They don't spend all their time looking at you trying to discover your weaknesses.

The only real observer of your problems is you. And you know something? You're not half bad."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RtU7dUewn4I&feature=colike

Bounce Back - Idea 4 - Give of Yourself

"One of the very best ways to overcome your difficulties is to reach out and help others. It can help in two ways. First it's impossible to constantly dwell on your own troubles when you're concerned about others, and second, it can help you put your difficulties in better perspective."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3U4T0Wwkow&feature=colike

I love this music!

Bounce Back - Idea 3 - Pick Yourself Up

"Most of the time you'll have to take the iniative to get yourself out of the dumps. Don't wait for a friend to call to cheer you up. You make the call.

Sign up for an art class, take a tour of the city, try out for a play, invite friends to dinner. The important thing is not what you do, but that you do something.

It's funny how when you look for the positive, you find it."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RL_rdHOXlvs&feature=colike

Bounce Back - Idea 2 - Be Realistic

"There's nothing wrong with making big plans for the future - even if they sometimes get into the realm of pure fantasy.

What's important is that you are able to keep your expectations realistic. For instance, a great job is not going to come looking for you. That's going to take some effort on your part.

But once you make up your mind about what you want, go after it, look out, World!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xrjcmv57R_s&feature=colike

Bounce Back - Idea 1 - Be Your Own Best Friend

"Its hard to bounce back when you don't feel good about yourself. Developing a good self-image can help you see yourself and others in a positive way. A high self-esteem can help you overcome feelings of sadness and depression, and can give you the desire to try again.

When you're honest with yourself and present yourself honestly to others, you start to feel good about yourself. You realize you are a good person, an important person. You've broken that downward cycle, and you've started to bounce back."

These ideas were on a casette tape way back in 1985 onwards.
They have been very important to me.
I can't find them anywhere on the internet so I decided to put them down for whoever comes across them.
Be blessed by them.

I just went onto YouTube and... I feel so glad to find the series! Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60IuNIvPsc0&feature=colike