Dealing With Aggressive People

 

by Vicky Webster and Martin Webster (Eds.) 

https://www.leadershipthoughts.com/5-tips-for-handling-aggressive-people-at-work/

 

Sometimes people react to difficult situations by being aggressive.

So, how do you deal with aggression? What’s the best approach?

 Stick with me, and I’ll show you how to deal with aggressive people at work …

 Aggression in any place and the workplace can be verbal or physical, such as shouting or banging the desk. People tend toward aggression when they get into conflict and want to defend their interests at the expense of others.

 

How to Deal With Aggressive People

The tree that bends in the wind survives the storm. The tree that stands firm and opposes the storm lays broken after. – Unknown

 Aggressive behaviour is destructive and needs to be handled directly and calmly. This requires courage, assertiveness, and a balanced ― emotionally intelligent ― approach to handling conflict.

 Here is a short list of simple tips for handling aggressive people.

 

1. Give Them Time to Cool Down
Aggressive behaviour can be frightening to you.
It’s also a good sign that the person you’re dealing with has lost self-control.
 
Therefore, give them time to cool down.
Choose another time to talk - when there is less going on.
Alternatively, change the location. Move into a meeting room or corridor.
 

2. Point them Out
Tell them directly and calmly “there’s no need to get angry.”
This simple statement is often enough for people to reflect on their behaviour and consider their option to calm down.
 

Recognise their feelings and show that you care:
“I understand you’re angry… Let’s work out what we’re going to do.”
 

3. Don’t Fight
Do not fight fire with fire. Never engage aggressive behaviour with more of the same since this will likely only act as a trigger for more aggression.
 
Instead, stay calm and let the noise pass over you, wash over you.
When it’s time to speak, do so calmly. In this way you are in control.
 
Your aim should always be a win-win situation.
 

4. Acknowledge What’s Important
Acknowledge important ideas or facts they convey, since this will help to diffuse their aggression, and help them possibly become more open to your ideas.
 
What’s more, acknowledging their ideas does not mean you agree with them.
Never give ground to someone who uses aggression.  Stand calmly.
 

5. Use Attention Grabbers
Use attention-grabbers to pave the way for better listening.
Present some new information to gain their attention.
For instance, state specific benefits, new ideas or something of interest that hasn’t been mentioned before.
Therefore, use plenty of coaching questions to clarify the situation.
For example:  What possibilities might exist that we haven’t thought of yet?
 
These buy time and take the sting out of the situation.
 

Deal With Aggressive People … Don’t Avoid Conflict!

Conflict between people is inevitable. Never avoid conflict.
Don’t attack or undermine others when standing up for something you want.
 
Aggressive people come from a position of “I’m okay, you’re not okay.”
 
When dealing with aggressive people, be fair, firm and friendly, assertive,
calmly stand your ground, say what you have to say – respectfully, respectably.
 
That takes courage and wisdom. 

It says: “I’m okay, and also, you’re okay.”
 

Edited by Judy Bray, April 2021