Perhaps your way of Doing things, Thinking about things, Feeling about things.
Perhaps you need to "Correlate, Reduce and Simplify." Garry K Moore
Perhaps you are Bored and not challenged enough.
Perhaps you are not Seeing something that you need to See.
Perhaps you are Catastrophizing, Horribilizing, Dizasterizing
Perhaps you are Going Too Fast, or Going Too Slow.
I found this useful.
I've italicised and expanded some.
A Latter-day Saint Therapist’s
Toolbox for Tackling Depression
Toolbox for Tackling Depression
By Laura M. Brotherson LMFT, CST, CFLE ·
Meridian Magazine - November 7, 2018
You can see it in their eyes. You can feel it in
their countenance. It’s far too common
and can happen to anyone given the right
stressors and situational circumstances. Approximately 25% of adults in the
U.S. (1 in 4) experience anxiety or depression. Whether depression shows
up as sadness, hopelessness, irritability
or anger there is hope and help to feel happiness and contentment again!
Underlying causes of depression are a combination of nature and nurture.
There can be genetic susceptibilities to biochemical imbalances in the brain
and/or life experiences like neglect, abuse, or trauma that contribute to
depression. These tend to train you to
believe some very depressing or anxiety-inducing things. Mental health
issues like depression and anxiety are diseases
of the mind just like diabetes is a disease of the body. Depression has
nothing to do with one’s personal character or faithfulness.
It’s been encouraging to see efforts within The
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to help members who are dealing
with the difficulties of depression or anxiety. First Sunday meetings have been
dedicated to help de-stigmatize the disease and offer encouragement, outreach
and support.
Like addiction, infertility, health, marriage or
parenting challenges, depression is such a common difficulty in many peoples’
lives. As a therapist, I’ve compiled the following suggestions to help you get
out of the mental muck of depression and into a life of peace, contentment and
even joy. My hope is to provide a comprehensive toolbox of easy and practical
tips—all in one place—that you can immediately put into practice to make things
better as you overcome your depression.
This toolbox of tips for tackling depression
includes the following 15 suggestions:
Get Active
Get
Enough Sleep
Eat Healthy
Connect
with People
Get Some Sunlight
Engage
in Process Writing
Do Meditation, Mindfulness or
Yoga
Stop the Stinkin’
Thinkin’
Try EFT Tapping
Smile
and Laugh
Accept Yourself and Practice
Self-Compassion
Get Educated about
Depression
Take Supplements and/or
Medication
Participate in Counseling or a
Support Group
Turn to God
—————————
Get Active. Whether you’re more likely
to go for a walk, a run, yoga, play tennis or dance, just get your body moving.
This helps get the feel-good hormones flowing and helps distract you from the
ruminating thoughts in your mind.
Exercise can be as effect as antidepressants for
those with mild depression. Start small and find something you are likely to
enjoy. Just getting out and doing something different than you normally do can
jumpstart your mind and your mood.
Get Enough Sleep. Getting sufficient rest so
that your mind and body can relax and process the experiences and emotions of
your day is essential in maintaining good mental health. Your brain will have
an even harder time thinking positively when it’s in a state of sleep
deprivation. If you have trouble falling
asleep or staying asleep you might consider reading a book before bed (not
electronically), listing out 10 things you’re stressed about, or trying
Melatonin supplements that can be a safe way to get a better night’s sleep. If
there’s just too much going on in your life, see if you can think of just one
thing you can cut back, and then another.
Eat Healthy. Feeling depressed tends to
encourage an easy slide into eating unhealthy, self-soothing foods. If you can
change even one eating habit to be a little better, it can make a difference in
how you feel. It is true that you are what you eat. Cutting out one sugar or
one soda and the caffeine and adding one vegetable or an extra glass of water
instead can help you combat the “stinkin thinkin” in the brain.
Connect (wisely) with People. Depression tends
to make us isolate ourselves. That just exacerbates the loneliness and
“loser-ness” we are already feeling. Solicit the help of a few good friends or
other family members to assist you and help you avoid disconnecting. Let them
know you are struggling with depression or anxiety and just need someone you
can be with and talk to without feeling like they need to fix anything. Nudge, or push
yourself to reach out to care and attend to them as well so that neither of you
will feel like it’s a one-sided relationship.
Depending on the depth of your depression, rather
than staying home, nudge or push yourself to go out with friends or family
members to activities or join a group or a volunteer organization to have
pre-scheduled social opportunities. It can pull your mind out of depressive
thinking even just temporarily and help retrain your brain by getting out with
people.
In the presence of caring people, you also have
more chance to touch, hug and have eye contact (whether you are the receiver or
the giver). This can create oxytocin, which is the bonding hormone that can
make you feel more connected. Any appropriate opportunities you may have to
give or receive an 8-second hug or other touching moment (i.e. someone’s arm
around you or your hand on someone’s knee) is particularly potent in releasing
that wonderful oxytocin.
Get Some Sunlight. Sunlight stimulates
feel-good hormones and neurotransmitters. The winter months can make feelings
of depression even worse because of the lack of sunshine. Getting out in the
sun when it does shine can do wonders, as can getting a full-spectrum light to
use indoors. Opening up your blinds or curtains to let the sun shine in can
also be a part of your regular depression-busting routine.
Engage in Process Writing. Sometimes
no one is available to talk to when you need to talk. And sometimes there is
simply too much to say. Journal therapy, though, is a way to always have
someone to help you process what you’re thinking and feeling. It’s like having an
ongoing written conversation with God.
Sometimes free-flowing written conversations are
needed and other times it’s easier to just write out a list of “I…” statements
to express the anger, frustration, guilt or sadness you are feeling. Giving
your genuine thoughts and feelings a voice has a way of giving them light and
air. It validates the feeling and allows it to begin to dissolve. Negative
feelings buried alive don’t tend to die on their own. They need some processing
to go away.
Some clients have said that they find it helpful to
alternate their anger lists with
their grateful lists in order to keep
things in check. Developing a habit of listing expressions of gratitude broadens
your awareness, increases feel-good hormones, strengthens the immune system and
improves personal relationships.
Other clients find that they won’t or can’t stomach
any positives until they truly feel heard. Those who try to skip the step of
identifying and acknowledging their inner demons often find they don’t really
get better. See what works for you.
If you can share your honest pain with your loving
Heavenly Father and Savior, it can help you feel closer to Them and help you
heal. They already know what you are thinking and feeling, so being honest and
open with your feelings—even the unpleasant ones is vital for beating
depression.
These writings are just for your own processing.
Many people find it additionally therapeutic to burn or shred them as a
symbolic way to let it all go.
Do Meditation, Mindfulness or Yoga. Each of these clinical treatments have been empirically studied for help
with anxiety and depression. To meditate and connect more deeply with God,
simply close your eyes and focus on your breathing for a few minutes every day.
While doing so you might repeat in your mind something like, “I’m listening.”
These practices can also help you develop greater communion with yourself, and
your Heavenly Father in a much more personal and profound way. (You might try Tai Chi. Yoga and Tai Chi get your mind stilling and your body moving.)
Mindfulness is basically being more mentally,
emotionally and physically present in the moment and more engaged with your
senses—sight, sound, taste, touch and smell. Even five minutes in meditation or
mindfulness can do wonders for slowing down a racing mind and calming both mind
and body.
The practice of meditation and mindfulness develops
mental discipline, which helps you gain greater power over depression’s
negative thought patterns. Every time you pull your thoughts back - to your
breathing - or to the statement “I’m listening,” it’s like calisthenics for the
mind.
Developing greater mastery over your thoughts is a
vital step in overcoming anxiety or depression. Meditation, focusing on your
breathing, being more mindful, and practicing yoga can all help with the next
step of stopping the stinkin’ thinkin’ that tends to run rampant in the mind of
a depressed person.
Stop the Stinkin’ Thinkin’. While
depression is a physiological ailment
of the brain it creates a psychological ailment of the mind. Depression becomes a mental habit
of negative and/or depressing, ruminating thoughts. Research shows that
depression is best beaten by both 1. medical or physical help (medicine and/or
supplements) and 2. psychological help (counseling – to help change how you see
things).To stop the depression, train
your brain to stop the stinkin’
thinkin’ of unrealistic expectations and other unproductive habits of the mind. Watch for and stop the self-defeating and self-sabotaging patterns in your brain.
Start to catch yourself when you are thinking in
extremes or all-or-nothing ways. Catch yourself when you assume negative intentions or outcomes and over-generalize them to everyone and everything. Ask yourself,
“What if a positive outcome were to occur instead?” and invite, nudge, let your
mind ponder the possibility. Catch
yourself when you minimize positives that
happen in your life. Just say, “I see you… I hear you… I get you… Thank
you… now, Stop!” when these messengers
show up. Send them on their way. Don’t
give them a place to stay.
Adding to your grateful lists each day can help highlight the positives in your life and
counter the negatives (every negative
has a positive.) Actively watch for at least 5 specific things that you can jot
down each day for which you are grateful.
Try EFT Tapping. One of my favorite
self-help tools for letting go of negative thoughts and feelings and
reprogramming more positive perspectives is therapeutic specific tapping called
Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). It’s an energy
therapy technique using the philosophy of energy meridians used with
acupuncture except you tap on certain spots on your face and body instead of
use needles. You might think of it as “psychological acupressure. ”You can find information and videos about
EFT tapping online.
Next to process writing, this is one of the tools
that helped me most in overcoming my own depression. It is a powerful tool in
your toolbox for healing.
Smile and Laugh. Any time you see a mirror
smile at yourself even if just for a second to exercise your facial muscles. It
sends a signal to the brain that you are happy. It may take some time to change
the mental message, so keep on smilin’!
Humor can put a pause on depression as well. Give
yourself a mental break by watching a funny movie or find some comedy clips to
keep you laughing. Smiling and laughing can counter the default negative thinking of depression telling you that life is always sad, dreary or depressing – it
isn’t.
Accept Yourself and Practice Self-Compassion. Women seem to be especially good at guilt and shame—feeling like
they are never good enough. Learn to gently accept things as they are. Trust that the Lord is mindful of you and has
a purpose for all things (Doctrine & Covenants 122:7) See yourself through the eyes of compassion. Learn, Trust, See are all necessary in
breaking the spell of depression.
Good enough really is good enough
most times. We are all imperfect humans having an earthly experience where we
get to practice being okay when we
might not actually be or feel totally okay. By partnering with God, we can do
that.
We all have our own struggles that show up in a
variety of ways at any given time.
I love how Elder Henry B. Eyring (Ensign Nov 2018 “Try, Try, Try) recommends
that we assume that everyone we meet is fighting a hard fight of some
kind. I also love how Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf (Ensign May 2012 “The Merciful Obtain Mercy”) reminds us that we are all imperfect and all in different ways from
each other.
Sometimes people feel like it’s their fault if they have depression. Depression
isn’t anyone’s fault any more than any other disease. No one chooses cancer. No one chooses depression. All the ways we beat
ourselves up and think we are not good enough, not worthy enough, not perfect
enough, not lovable enough are just tools
of the adversary to keep us stuck
in the muck of self-denigration, which fuels depression.
A helpful tool in addition to the grateful list we
discussed earlier, is keeping a daily numbered log of 10 specific things you
like, love, or appreciate about yourself.
This list helps you accept yourself and have more
compassion for yourself.
You can begin to reprogram your self-view to that
of a person with strengths and worth by keeping this list and by listening to
the audio book Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff. Perfectionism
is a perfect poison for
anyone—especially anyone struggling with depression or anxiety. Self-compassion
is great way to combat perfectionism that fuels depression. “Be your own best friend.”
Get Educated about Depression. After
doing some of the other suggestions here to start
feeling better first, it can then be helpful to seek out learning about the specific struggles you are having. I
believe the Lord will direct you to the specific resources you need. “There hath no temptation taken you, but such
as is common to man…” Someone will have
written or talked about what shackles you.
Some good books on depression to consider
are: The Depression Cure by Stephen S. Ilardi, Cognitive
Behavioral Therapy by Ryan James, Undoing Depression by
Richard O’Connor, any of the Change Your Brain resources by
Daniel G. Amen, M.D., or You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L.
Hay. You might start by reading some of the reviews to see which ones seem best
to you.
Take Supplements and/or Medication. Mild,
situational or seasonal depression may resolve itself with some of the other
suggestions here, but many times some kind of physiological assistance will be
needed. If the above suggestions and stategies haven’t been enough to get you
back onto a happy track, then a supplement and/or an antidepressant may be
needed to get your brain’s
neurochemistry back in balance. Often times this physiological step will be needed in order to do the other psychological work necessary for
overcoming depression.
Many people who are hesitant about taking
medication will often consider trying some other helpful, healthful
supplements. Check out the naturally occurring compound – SAM-e, or EmpowerPlus
Q96 a multi-vitamin for the brain. (You can learn more about SAM-e in the
book Stop Depression Now by Richard Brown and search for more
information on Q96.) These two supplements have shown the most success in
naturally assisting my clients in the physiological processes to combat
depression. There are also many other supplements like Omega 3 fatty acids
(fish or flax oil) that can help.
(Valerian may help. 5HTP may
help.)
People have found that these supplements help them
reduce stress, feel more at peace and have an overall improvement in their
sense of well-being with no side-effects. I personally found SAM-e to be a life
saver when I experienced post-partum depression many years ago. SAM-e is backed
by research and is even being recommended by the medical community, which is
rare for an alternative supplement. Talk to a doctor and do your own research
to see what makes sense for you. You have the Holy Ghost as your
companion. Not all doctors will be
familiar with supplements or alternative health approaches for mental health
issues.
Many people also find medication to be a lifesaver.
See what makes the most sense to you. There is no shame in having to take
something for depression any more than there would be in taking insulin for
diabetes.
Participate in Counseling or a Support Group. The two key steps in overcoming depression are counseling plus addressing the brain chemistry with
either supplements or medication as I just mentioned. Having a non-judgmental
and therapeutically helpful person or group to talk with is pretty vital in
being able to address the underlying
experiences and beliefs that fuel
depression.
A good counselor can help you change the depressing
cognitions and reprogram the way you
see yourself and the world. A good counselor can offer a profound gift of
helping you to truly feel seen and
heard. Since depression can sometimes lead to suicidal feelings, a counselor
can work with you to collaboratively determine a good safety plan with helpful coping
strategies.
If you don’t know where to start with all these
tools your best first step is to find a good counselor who can help you figure
out your next best steps. Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) is a common
empirically validated approach to addressing depression. In addition to CBT, a
counselor has many tools and approaches to help with the specific aspects of your struggles as well as the challenges
that depression can bring to your relationships.
Couples or family counseling can also help a spouse
or loved ones who are trying to love and support you through your depression
and give them some support as well.
Support groups can be so helpful in decreasing your feelings of loneliness and
isolation by sharing your journey with others having similar challenges. You
are not alone. You’ll probably want to start with a counselor, though, before a
support group to get the more specific and personal direction you’ll need in
the beginning.
One of the most comprehensive resources for finding
a good counselor (or a support group) in your area is to search PsychologyToday.com.
You can specify all the specific characteristics you would like (i.e. gender of
the therapist, counseling issue, therapeutic approach, insurances taken, etc.) Or ask your doctor or pharmacist. A friend who seems mentally stable to you
might also know someone they trust.
Turn to God. This is the most important
step in this whole process and should technically be the first step, but many
people overlook the practical need to turn to our Savior, Jesus Christ, and submit our lives as they are, and our
challenges, to Him. Those who have actively worked the “12 Steps” of addiction
recovery know that some challenges are simply out of our human reach. Please also note the recently added Gospel
Library > Life Challenges > “Support Guide” - for Spouses and Family.
When we turn our lives and our will over to God and
humbly trust in Him, His will and His timing—even when things aren’t happening
the way we think they should, or
would like them to —we are able to access His mighty enabling power. Confidence
and faith in Him to do for us what we cannot do for ourselves according to His
will allows us to endure better, for longer, or overcome the challenge when we
couldn’t have done so on our own. We can
then be a little light for some other.
The faith and humility of partnering with God and
surrendering ourselves to Him brings peace, despite any of our challenges. Many
of the suggestions here will help you stay in closer contact with your Savior
even while you may continue to struggle with feelings and physical aspects of depression.
Depression is a great
refiner’s fire. Trust the Lord. Trust that He knows what He is doing with you,
and why He is doing it. Let Him
refine you by willingly submitting to whatever He would have you go through (see Mosiah
3:19). He may be simply developing and refining your compassion, endurance,
patience, or a host of other Christlike characteristics, which we all agreed to
and came here to develop, in His way. Trust that he loves you and knows what
He’s doing with and through you. Know that He will consecrate your afflictions
for your highest good (see 2 Nephi 2:2).
I like to remind myself that God is a lot smarter
than I am. His ways are higher and better than our ways (see Isaiah
55:9). I can truly say I’m so grateful now
for my trial with depression. Because of it I have learned to turn to Him and turn my will over to Him. I have grown in so many ways and can
now help others who struggle. With spiritual submission comes peace and
eternal hope despite the difficulties in our lives. All of our difficulties are designed to turn us to Christ. I hope
you will let that happen for you.
Consider this beloved quote about our mortal
afflictions:
“No pain that we suffer, no trial that we
experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such
qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and
all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our
characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender
and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God, . . . and it is
through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education
that we come here to acquire.” Orson F Whitney quoted by Spencer
W Kimball.
I pray you are able to find some hope and healing a
as you try the 15 suggestions I shared to help you understand and overcome your
challenges, and find more peace, contentment and even joy – along the journey
and even more joy in due time. Please feel free to share this toolbox with
anyone else that may be in need.
——————————-
— Laura M. Brotherson, LMFT, CST, CFLE
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and
Certified Sex Therapist.
She counsels with couples, individuals and families
in private practice (and online). Laura is the author. She is passionate about helping couples
navigate the intricacies of intimacy to help build strong marriages and
families. Laura and her husband are the founders of StrengtheningMarriage.com
(Edited occasionally
by Judy Bray)
