Dance the Dance

"Dance the dance of empowering one another."
"Spread your radiance."

Sheila Kelley

Mom Support Groups

I'm reading "Mothers of the Bible" by Dena Dyer - lent to me by my friend Angela Simon

"Every mom needs her own support system.  Fellow moms and older more experienced mothers provide conversation, fellowship, and sanity breaks in the midst of raising children."
Dena Dyer

Some ideas:  quilting circles, potluck suppers, front porch gatherers, MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers), Moms in Touch, MAW (Mothers and Wives), Moms and Tots, Dessert Club, Breastfeeding Group, play-dates, Mommies Pamper Parties, Grandmother (or substitute) visits, Mom and Toddler Gymnastics,  picnics, playpark conversations, a class at a local college, an on-line course of study, music lessons, singing lessons, Relief Society, Simple Excursions, Mommies Movie Morning, Jigsaw Puzzlers, Primary, and many others. 

Let your imaginations flow...  Let the Wisest Part of You talk to the Overwhelmed Part of You.  Listen.  The Wisest Part of You knows what the other parts of You will be profited by.

Start one?  Keep is simple enough.  Share the responsibility.  Keep it nurturing for those attending.  Be nurtured by those attending.  Let your group grow and have a life of its own - you don't need to control it.

"As you begin to connect with other women who understand your unique situation, you won't feel so alone any more, and you'll realise that you're doing a better job than you thought after all."
Dena Dyer

Those of Us Who Love TOO Much

This post is about adult relationships...

 

We sacrifice, and frequently suffer, for our children. 

We learn how to and put ourselves out for those who are amongst the weak and vulnerable of this world.

Are YOU loving more than YOU are able to love?

Then YOU are loving TOO MUCH for YOU.

Yes, we need to grow in loving...
We need to learn how to love better...
This takes time - much time.
And we need to be authentic too...
We simply cannot sustain loving TOO much - for us, and/or for the person we are loving.
We will burn out and become bitter, blaming, ineffective and harming - to ourselves and the other/others..

 

*********************************************************************************************************

 

Is "having someone to love” the most important thing to you?

Is loving this particular someone painful for you?

Do you constantly believe if you were loved by “the right man/woman” you would

no longer feel depressed/lonely/frustrated/sad/angry/hurt/afraid/crazy?
 

Do you tend to be bored with by the “nice guys/girls” who are open, honest and dependable?

If loving any person in your life means you are frequently in pain, then this post will probably be useful to you.

Focus and change your patterns of thought and behaviour which have resulted in you being  in pain –

 

Those of us who love TOO much are among the precious, generous-hearted ones –

We are among those who have a lot to give.  

We are among those who give more than we are able to give, and reach our “empty” “overdrawn.”  And we still try to give more!

 Do you obsess (negatively or positively) about your relationship?

Do you feel helpless as you recognize the extent of the problems in your relationship?
Are you “nice” or do you lie to cover up, smooth over, what is happening in your relationship?
Do you avoid some, or all, people to hide the abuse/pain/problems in your relationship?
Have you repeatedly try to “fix” your relationship - solve/direct/control your relationship?
Are you frequently frustrated, moody, sad, hurt, afraid, tearful?
Are you  angry, depressed, guilty and resentful?
Do you catch yourself saying or being irrational/insane/desperate?
Do you feel tempted to be violent?  (ARE you violent?)
Do you feel spaced out?  Are you preoccupied, do you stumble and have accidents?
Do you feel self-hate/loathing/frustration?
Do you justify yourself and your behaviour – think you know the answers/see the real picture?
Are you mentally and/or physically in pain/ill due to your stressful relationship?

Here are some RESEARCHED and TRUSTED things you might want to work on:

And work on again when you forget them in the future!

Admit your pain and helplessness to control yourself and others

Cease to blame yourself, anyone else, or any circumstances, for your pain
Focus on healing and maintaining yourself.  Work primarily on your own actions – for now
Seek help from carefully selected professionals and peers for your gradual recovery - from loving TOO much for you - over time
Acknowledge and deal with all your feelings – don’t avoid, don’t deny, don’t wallow in them
Build a close and reliable circle of more presently mentally and relationally healthy mentors
Develop your own healthy interests – become more fully yourself, your precious, unique self

These steps below (to achieve the above) are simple.  They are not easy.  They are worthwhile. 

These steps will help you along to greater spiritual, mental, physical and relational balance, health.
These steps are all equally important.  They are listed in the most chronologically typical order:

 1         Go for help - to trusted and wise professionals and/or peers or others

 2         Make your own recovery your first priority – for now

 3         Find a support group of three or more gentle and non-judgmental people

 4         Develop your spiritual side through disciplined daily spiritual practice

 5         Stop “managing” and “controlling” others (Except for the safety of the very young)

 6         Learn to recognize and avoid “bait” offered by others – don’t get “hooked”

 7         Courageously face and deal with your unskilled-ness, shortcomings and challenges

 8         Cultivate whatever knowledge and skills you need to develop in yourself

 9         Become “self-managing” – be responsible only for how you behave wherever you are

10         Share with others what you have experienced and learned about yourself – in due time

            “When thou art converted, stay converted.”  Strengthen others only as you are able

            “You can stay as you are for the rest of your life… or you can change…”

Thank you:  Robin Norwood 7/08

 

Goals

"If you do not have goals, you will be fulfilling the goals of those who have them."
Quoted on Noeline - 3 Talk SABC TV

Live Deeply

Embrace new experiences: go beyond your comfort zone.  New experiences are life. Live deeply. Be who you are: What are your dreams? Your goals? Your loves? Who are you? Be that person.. Let Go of the Past: The past is good for two things: the happy memories, and the lessons it provides. Forgive. Let go. Be here now, and go forward. Be Kind: Recall those many times where you made mistakes, where you reacted out of negative emotions instead of responding from who you really are. Recall how you felt, or how you would have felt, if others responded to your mistakes with kindness instead of harsh criticism or a cold shoulder. Empathize, and choose to be kind. Be responsible for yourself: Whatever happens, only one person is responsible for how you respond to it: you.. You wish others were a certain way? You wish the world were a certain way? Be the example. Nurture relationships: Think of your most joyful moments. Think of all you have learned. Think of what has helped you grow. Chances are great these all involve other people, and other relations such as pets and nature too. You can choose to be lonely, but you are never alone. Recognize all you have and be grateful for it: If you are alive, if you can read this, if you can walk, talk, see, smell, taste, or feel, you are fortunate. Focus on all that you do have. Be grateful to be great. Do what inspires you: Painting, singing, writing, biking, swimming, gardening, reading, dancing, walking-what is your flame? What ignites you, inspires you, enlightens you, restores your life? Do it, and do it often. Remember that happiness is a state, not a circumstance: Happiness is a state of being, not merely a moment of pleasure or joy. By committing to your happiness you acknowledge and accept that there will be times of challenge and suffering, but by staying true to who you are you will not just endure but thrive. by Brian Vaszily, Founder of IntenseExperiences.com

An Hour a Day

"An hour a day keeps the dirt at bay."

Source unrecorded

Focus on MY path

"I need to focus on my path - if I don't show up to walk it, it's going to remain vacant."
Lira

What I Think

"How can I know what I think until I hear what I say?"
Radio Pulpit

Potential

"When you are not meeting your potential you get depressed."
Source unrecorded

Inch by Inch

"Inch by inch you get to create a new life for yourself."
Previously homeless Harvard University graduate - Liz, interviewed on the Oprah Show.

Get Still...

"When you don't know what to do, get still. The answer will come."
Oprah Winfrey

Serve.

"Serve with faith. Set goals and work hard."
Bernard P Brockbank

I Will Not...

When stressed say to yourself:

"I will not excalate.
I will not retaliate.
I will not be provoked."

"One Day at a Time" Compilation p21

My Ten Worders

I’ll go where you want me to go, dear Lord.
I’ll do what you want me to do, dear Lord.
I’ll be what you want me to be, dear Lord.

My Nine Worder

My life is all a Test only for me.

My Eight Worder

Who doesn't know - argues; who does know - doesn't.

My Seven Worders

I can do this for today.
Where there's a problem, there's a solution.
Alright Heavenly Father! I will do this!

My Six Worders

I’m top of my cheering team.
I’m part of your cheering section.
Trust not the arm of flesh.
There is a time to weep.
There is a time to mourn.
Take the time to get “nice.”

(From Coral Elks)
Be part of the building team… (Not the wrecking crew.)

This is better than I hoped.
My life is all a Test.
My life is only a test.

My Five Worders

You are brilliant Heavenly Father!
The Lord is my shepherd.
I seek after these things.

Thank you for telling me.

This is hard for me.
I can do hard things.
I can do all things…

One day at a time.
Live in day-tight compartments.
We’ll get through this - together.

I am going to die.

Be an influence for good.

(Sometimes this five-worder is indeed true)
This is not my fault.

(From Pam Robinson)
This is not your fault.
This is all about him/her/you.

(From Wendy de Kock)
This is a Big Deal.

More faith in my Saviour.
More used would I be.
This is only a Test.
Get thee behind me Satan.
Why do you say that?
Why did I say that?
Give yourself what you need.

My Four Worders

Look for the ‘fun.’
Look for the ‘function.’
It’s not too late.
It’s never too late…
Fair, Firm and Friendly.
You can do it.
You can do this.
I can do this.
I can do it.
I can survive this.
I will survive this.
I’ll get through today.
This too shall pass.
I am being polished.
I am being refined.

This is my life.
This is my life.
This is my life.
This is my life.

More holiness give me.
More strength to oer’come.
More patience in suffering.
More sorrow for sin…
More blessed and holy.
More Saviour like Thee.

This is a miracle.
I’ll get through this.
We’ll get through this.
Most others don’t care.
Most others don’t listen.
Walk through this valley.
Do what you can.
More is nog ‘n dag.
Time to close ranks.
I’ll think about it.
‘Time out’ of Time.
Mind my own business. (Take care of my own stewardship)

Do something extraordinary today.
Look for the sparkles.
It's only a Test.
See and be seen.
Keep it simple sister.
Is this that important?
This works for me.
Life is hard sometimes.
The Law of Compensation.
What am I learning?
What is the gift?
Do what needs doing.
Come to your senses...