The "Box" Exercize

Get two smallish boxes - decorate them both beautifully: one in dark, the other in light colours.

Answer the following questions.
Put your answers on pieces of paper - one paper per question and answer.

What have been my greatest joys in the past?
What are among my greatest joys right now?
What joys am I looking forward to in my future?
What have been my worst fears in my past?
What are my greatest fears right now?
What do I imagine will be some of my greatest fears in my future?
What helped me to feel peaceful in my past?
What promotes peaceful feelings in my life right now?
What might bring me peacefulness in my future?
What angered me in my past?
What angers me now?
What is likely to anger me in my years ahead?
When did I feel competent, confident, cheerful, in the past?
What are my experiences of feeling powerful in my present?
What are likely to be the reasons I might feel accepted and respected in my future?
What setbacks have I had in my past?
What setbacks have I had in the recent past or am I experiencing right now?
What setbacks might I have to deal with in my future?

Sort your answers into the two boxes:
light and lovely reminiscences into the light box, dark and difficult subjects into the dark box.

When you want to, or when you need to do some inner work, take out one of the slips in the box the opposite of what you are feeling:

If you are feeling gloomy, take out a slip of paper in the gorgeous light and bright box;
if you are feeling really chuffed with yourself, draw a slip from the darkly beautiful box.

Ask yourself as you read:
What can I do about this?
Does this have any message or added insight for me right now?
Write your answers on another piece of paper and paste the two together in a journal or scrapbook. Decorate with drawings, photos, cuttings or words, whatever feels right to you.

Add to your dark and light boxes as you want to.

You do not have to deal with or process most things in your life right away -
do "your Work" when you feel able to, or when you discover you need to.

Do your emotional growing by yourself,with a buddy, or professional.
Talk to yourself. Listen to yourself. Learn to increasing Trust Yourself.

"The headlines are screaming all sorts of trial and tribulation…"
"This is the condition under which I live at present… 'this' does not define me, or my whole life."

What will help me live my best way possible for now - day to day, hour to hour - sometimes minute by minute?

Be realistic and practical. "Try a little scrubbing or sweeping (ordinary household duties)."

"Keep a lid on your temper and self pity."

Write your 'stories' as they arise on a piece of paper and put them in one of the boxes.

Acknowledge your dark and light feelings. Deal with them when it is appropriate - when it suits you - when you have the courage and will seek the resources you need.

Ask for help, and get it. Do not be stuck in the "moods" and "mud" - or the "glitz" and "glory" for that matter! - of life for longer than a week or two.

Life is real. Life is whole. Enjoy the darks and the lights, the dulls and the brights of the tapestry of YOUR whole, beautiful life.

With thanks to A. van Dyk for some of the ideas - The "Saturday Star"

My Bill of Rights - and Responsibilities

I have the right to be treated with respect even when I don't deserve it.

I have the responsibility to behave in a manner that deserves respect.

I have the right to be my gender.

I have the responsibility of being as God created me to be.

I have the right to make mistakes.

I have the responsibility of handling the results of my mistakes.

I have the right to ask for what I want, realising I may not get what I ask for.

I have the responsibility to ask for what I want, although I may not get it.

I have the right to ask for emotional support and help.

I have the responsibility of handling potential mocking/rejection and looking further for support and help.

I have the right to increasingly make my own decisions.

I have the responsibility of living with the consequences of my decisions.

I have the right not to be responsible for anyone else's problems or bad behaviour.

I have the responsibility of being respectful to myself, and respectable with others, when I refuse to be involved.

I have the right also to choose to get involved in some of the problems of someone.

I have the responsibility of being resolute with others, and with myself, when I have made my decision.

I have the right to be angry and to express it.

I have the responsibility of expressing my anger appropriately without harming myself, any other person, or thing.

I have the right to say "No" to anything or anyone.

I have the responsibility to say "No" clearly, and to stick to my "No", and make my "No" stick.

I have the right to change my mind and decide to do or say things differently.

I have the responsibility of dealing with the upheaval that may be caused if I change my mind.

I have the right to be successful, cheerful, clever, good, etc.

I have the responsibility to be my "best self" with dignity and grace.

I have the right to make statements that have no logical basis, and which I do not have to justify or defend.
(eg. Intuitive ideas and comments)

I have the responsibility of learning how to be firm, fair and friendly with those who may try to punish me for expressing my honest views.

I have the right to have my own opinions, feelings and convictions about anything and everything.

I have the responsibility to express myself (or not) clearly, respectfully and respectably.

I have the right to privacy.

I have the responsibility of ensuring that I get the privacy which I need or want.

I have the right to grieve.

I have the responsibility to grieve productively so that I move appropriately through grieving.

I have the right to do things independently and alone if I want to.

I have the responsibility of making sure I do things on my own if that is my choice.

I have the right to know and not to understand.

I have the responsibility of dealing with my own anxiety and bewilderment.

I have the right to be my age and at my stage of development towards maturity.

I have the responsibilty of allowing myself to be my age. I may also have to defend myself for only being able to be my age.

I have the right to negotiate for change.

I have the responsibility to speak up for myself when necessary.

I have the right to protest and protect myself from unfair/harmful treatment and criticism.

I have the responsibility of protesting and protecting myself effectively when necessary.

I have the right to 'grow up.'

I have the responsibility of finding how to 'grow up'. I then do it progressively as I am able.

I have the right to choose to live more effectively.

I have the responsibility of learning how to live as I want to, and then doing it.

YOU, ALL THE OTHERS IN MY LIFE AND THIS WORLD, HAVE THESE RIGHTS TOO.

I HAVE THE RESPONSIBILITY OF ALLOWING YOU YOUR RIGHTS.

I WILL ALLOW AND EXPECT YOU TO

TAKE YOUR OWN RIGHTS AND BEAR YOUR OWN RESPONSIBILITIES.

Ah, There You Are!

I misplaced my joy this morning. I woke up to find it missing like a set of lost keys. I started looking for it everywhere. I looked for it in the morning paper. It wasn’t there. I looked for it in my books. It wasn’t there. I looked for it in some music. It wasn’t there. I looked for it while I ate breakfast, got the kids ready for school, and headed out the door this morning, but I couldn’t find it anywhere.

When I finally got back home I decided to take a walk. I thought that if I couldn’t find my joy then at least I could get some exercise. The last leaves of Autumn were thickly covering the ground. I walked for a while on this beautiful, crunchy carpet and breathed in the fresh, cool air. It was so peaceful and wonderful. After walking for a bit I stopped and smiled. I suddenly knew where to look. I glanced down and saw my joy peeking up at me from deep inside my soul. It had been sitting there right next to my love and God’s love just waiting for me to find it. “Ah, there you are,” I said. Then I laughed at myself for not knowing where to look all along.

It is amazing how we so often look for joy in every single place except the only place where it can truly be found, within ourselves.

We are like the person running around searching for the glasses that are perched on the top of his head. We need to stop the search.

We need to look deep into our souls and see the joy that has been sitting there all along. It isn’t hidden and it isn’t hard to find. It is there shining brightly right next to God’s love and our love. It is just waiting for us to smile down and say, “Ah, there you are.”

Reach down and grab that joy today. Choose it, rejoice in it and live in it. Take it along with your love and God’s love and share it with the world. And if you ever misplace it again remember where to look for it first.

Joe Mazella