Mom Support Groups

I'm reading "Mothers of the Bible" by Dena Dyer - lent to me by my friend Angela Simon

"Every mom needs her own support system.  Fellow moms and older more experienced mothers provide conversation, fellowship, and sanity breaks in the midst of raising children."
Dena Dyer

Some ideas:  quilting circles, potluck suppers, front porch gatherers, MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers), Moms in Touch, MAW (Mothers and Wives), Moms and Tots, Dessert Club, Breastfeeding Group, play-dates, Mommies Pamper Parties, Grandmother (or substitute) visits, Mom and Toddler Gymnastics,  picnics, playpark conversations, a class at a local college, an on-line course of study, music lessons, singing lessons, Relief Society, Simple Excursions, Mommies Movie Morning, Jigsaw Puzzlers, Primary, and many others. 

Let your imaginations flow...  Let the Wisest Part of You talk to the Overwhelmed Part of You.  Listen.  The Wisest Part of You knows what the other parts of You will be profited by.

Start one?  Keep is simple enough.  Share the responsibility.  Keep it nurturing for those attending.  Be nurtured by those attending.  Let your group grow and have a life of its own - you don't need to control it.

"As you begin to connect with other women who understand your unique situation, you won't feel so alone any more, and you'll realise that you're doing a better job than you thought after all."
Dena Dyer

My Manager and Me

From Gretchen Rubin - The Happiness Project:

WHY I CONSULT MY MANAGER, AND WHY SHE ALWAYS TAKES MY CALLS.

 Do you sometimes feel as if you’re two people? For a long time, I struggled to identify the metaphor to describe the tension between my two selves—between now-Gretchen and future-Gretchen, between the want-self and should-self. Is it Jeckyll and Hyde? The angel and devil on my shoulders? The elephant and the rider? The ego, the id, and the super-ego?

Then in a flash, I saw how to think about the two Gretchens, and how to think of myself in the third person, as a way better to understand myself and direct my actions. There’s me, Gretchen (now-Gretchen, want-Gretchen), and there’s my manager.

I think I was inspired by my sister’s Hollywood workplace lingo.

Who is my “manager?” Well, I’m (Gretchen) like a fabulous celebrity. I have a manager. I’m lucky, because I have the best manager imaginable. My manager understands my unique situation, interests, quirks, and values, and she’s always thinking about my long-term well-being.

I’m the boss, and I don’t have to take my manager’s advice—but on the other hand, I pay my manager to help me. I’d be an idiot not to pay attention.

These days, when I struggle with something, I ask myself, “What does my manager say?” Often it’s very obvious to my manager what course I should follow, even if I can’t decide (weird right?). It can be a relief to be told what to do; I agree with Andy Warhol, who remarked, “When I think about what sort of person I would most like to have on a retainer, I think it would be a boss. A boss who could tell me what to do, because that makes everything easy when you’re working.”

My manager is the executive who works for me—very appropriate, because my manager is part of my executive function. There’s no need to rebel against my manager, because I am the boss of my manager. (Not to mention, I am the manager.) Out of freedom, I can accept her instruction.

My manager reminds me to follow my good habits: “Gretchen, you feel overwhelmed and angry. Get a good night’s sleep and answer that email in the morning.” “Gretchen, you say you have no energy, but you’ll feel better if you go for a walk.”

My manager stays compassionate. She doesn’t say things like, “You’ll never be able to finish,” or “You’re lazy.”  She’s comforting and encouraging, and says things like, “It happens,” “We’ve all done it” and “Enjoy the fun of failure.”

My manager stands up for me when other people are too demanding. She insists that my idiosyncratic needs must be met; just as Van Halen famously insisted on bowls of M&Ms backstage with all the brown ones removed, my manager says, “Gretchen really feels the cold, so she can’t be outside too long.” “Gretchen is writing her new book now, so she can’t give a lengthy response to that email.”

She makes claims on my behalf: “Let’s figure out how to get you what you need,” “Let’s throw money at the problem.” On the other hand, she doesn’t accept excuses like, “This doesn’t count” or “Everyone else is doing it.” She tells me uncomfortable truths. I can’t sneak anything past my manager, because she sees everything I do.

As an Upholder* however, I’ve learned to be a bit wary of my manager. I love my manager, but I know how she thinks. She’s very impressed by credentials, legitimacy, and pay-off. She’s sometimes so focused on my long-term advantages that she forgets that I need to have a little fun, right now. My manager is helpful, but in the end, I’m the one who must “Be Gretchen.”

How about you? Do you think it would be helpful to think about your “manager?”

Gretchen Rubin

*Upholder—accepts rules, whether from outside or inside. An upholder meets deadlines, follows doctor’s order, keeps a New Year’s resolution.

Questioner—questions rules and accepts them only if they make sense. They may choose to follow rules, or not, according to their judgment.

Rebel—flouts rules, from outside or inside. They resist control. Give a rebel a rule, and the rebel will want to do the very opposite thing.

Obliger—accepts outside rules, but doesn’t like to adopt self-imposed rules.